Thursday, April 14, 2011

It Seems Like I'm Hating on Auburn, But They Make it So Easy!

It's a Get Well Card, er, Toilet Paper Roll For a Tree!
Since the Cam Newton saga broke last year, I've been accused of being an Auburn hater.  I'm not an Auburn hater, rather a lover of justice, which has yet to be handed down to Auburn.  It might finally come in the form of Chaz Ramsey meeting with the NCAA, however (That Story Here).  But I doubt it.

Back to the task at hand, though, making fun of Tiger Nation.  After Harvey Updike poisoned the Toomer's Corner trees, an outpouring of love was shown for the dying trees, and they were even the stars of their own candlelight vigil.  During this vigil, many items were laid at the bases of the trees as relics or mementos.

Here's the great part:  According to this article the Auburn Library is collecting these "artifacts", some are pictured above, for an exhibit to "preserve this trying chapter in Auburn's history" for Tiger/War Eagle/Plainsmen faithful.  Really a toilet paper art exhibit?  Get well rolls for trees?  I'm laughing as I type this now!  Isn't toilet paper biodegradeable anyway?  How long will this historical archive last?  I guess I need to Google "How long does it take for toilet paper to decompose?" to find out.  In the words of the great John McEnroe:  You can't be serious!

I have tried my best to lay off Auburn here recently and with the exception of the article regarding the HBO special, I have.  But this takes the cake, an exhibit of hand-painted toilet paper and get well cards for trees. 

REBUTTAL TO AUBURN FAN ARGUMENT:  I have to enclose this in each Auburn column I write to combat senseless logic.  If Georgia's beloved hedges were poisoned by a Tech fan, I'd be really mad.  I would want him to be arrested as well.  However, in no shape, form or fashion would I pay homage by writing get well cards, or poems to inanimate objects!  That's ridiculous.

I've heard the people in this video might be Auburn fans as well.  This is must see TV:


  1. I like the Rubuttal, I think that is pretty honest of you. You did leave out if a GT fan poisoned the hedges you would cry, but thats alright because GT fans pretty much leave Geogia fans alone anyway, so this scenario would never happen...

    But I digress, I think the TP get well cards are pretty stupid myself and not really noteworthy. It reminds me of the Duke fans' antics. Yes these kind of things are stupid and childish, but remember we are dealing with college kids. Plus, this kind of obsession is what makes SEC fans and other diehard bases, so special.

  2. Actually, I wouldn't cry if someone poisoned the hedges. I haven't cried when the last two UGAs died either, and they actually are animate creatures with a pulse. I understand the obsession with football in the South, and my wife would classify me in that category! But it's the game and coaches and players that I love, not trees and bushes and bell towers and mascots.